I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
