I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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