Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
foreskin is a definite game changer
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize