Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
