Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
