Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
