don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
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