Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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