Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
