She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Randomize
