i would punch a child for taco bell
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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