I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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