guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
You're breaking my sexual little heart
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
