I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
