Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
