My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
