We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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