please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
