New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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