I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i just had sex bonerless
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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