So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
