VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
