Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
you inspire me to be a worse person
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
