do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
