He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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