I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
