You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
