Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
