I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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