you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
