Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
