I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
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