I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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