You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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