I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
