apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
