PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I am midnight drunk by noon
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
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