you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
