it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I want to fling myself into the sun
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
