dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
