if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
