You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
