Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
