Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
