No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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