dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
