I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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