hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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