Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Randomize
