The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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